How to lose love handle fast! 3
Not long ago, I was handed the assignment to write a story about what I did on my summer vacation. No, truth just couldn’t be a part of this weight loss story or I’d be locked away into the loony-bin, and left without my Oreo cookies, chips, and chocolate supply. Man can’t live on institutionalized food alone, you know? Nope. My weight loss story just shouldn’t be told anywhere except here where I’m obviously among friends.
One sunny June morning last summer, I had this brilliant idea about a fast way to lose weight. No, I wasn’t just going to pop a pill and easily lose my extra 10-pounds in a month; ‘too bullheaded for my own good, my daddy used to say… So, off I raced to gather together all of the materials that I needed to build my very own time machine! A big one!
Everybody knows that exercise is a great way to lose fat, so I needed to build a BIG time machine to fit my size, and the exercise that I would get while building would make it roomy inside after I lost all kinds of weight climbing up and down that ladder while painting the darned thing pink. I wanted a nice shade of white, but I cut my hand while putting the scroozenizer on… so, pink had to do.
My theory in building a time machine to lose weight instead of just eating my pills was that by exercising heavily in the hot June sun that I’d lose the 10 pounds while building and then I could go sailing off to find some cute little chickie from a place that had never seem my love handles jiggle around before. Yep! That was the game-plan: 1. Lose love handles fast through working. 2. Make something to go find new cute gal.
After working and sweating for three-long-days in the hot Missouri sun, I knew that I was losing weight; calories were dropping off all over the place as I happily labored on the machine that would transport me to ‘her’. On the morning of the fourth day, I was feeling ‘bout as proud as the guard dog in the meat market. I had found the best way to lose body fat. My muscles were buff, the love handles were gone, and my machine was ready to go.
Well, damn. I landed just fine in that long-ago time that I didn’t recognize at all. The girls were all fat, and the men were all wearing more love handles than muscles. ‘Guess that sure taught me the pro’s and con’s of napping through history class. Did you know that we have a period of time in our history where fat girls were worshipped as being the best child bearers, and the muscled men were considered ugly because they had to work as slaves? Well, I didn’t know that either. Next time I’m just going to stick to my diet pills.
